Dating a guy with an ex wife and child
Ultimately, failure to put their partner first was a sign these guys were not ready for a serious relationship, or at least not with those particular women, and that is totally normal.
But it’s not cool to pay lip service to intentions of growing a serious, long-term relationship and from the onset demote your lover to second-rank — even before you message her on
It is bad for the moms, who do not enjoy the emotional, logistical or time-off afforded by a co-parent.
This, too, hurts kids, who then are more likely to have an exhausted and stressed-out mom who is worried about the effects of an absentee dad on her children. Whatever the circumstances are, they miss out on parenting, close relationships with their children, and the pride of knowing they are upholding their parental responsibilities.
In fact, that is the big takeaway: Stop feeling guilty.
In 411 BC, ancient Greek playwright Aristophanes staged Lysistrata, a story about a Athenian woman who ends the interminable Peloponnesian War between Athens and Sparta by convincing the women of Greece to withhold sex (and seize the treasury) from the men, who of course make all the decisions about war and money. One of the most trafficked things I’ve written is the post, ‘The real reason your ex doesn’t see the kids’ about the so-very-common and heartbreaking reality that the majority of fathers who are not in romantic relationships with the children’s mothers, are not actively involved with the kids.
It’s very common for guys with kids to write in their OKCupid profiles: “My kids come first,” or “My daughter is the center of my world! You want a potential mate to know that your life includes the giant presence of a kid or four. Plus, if you’ve gone through divorce or another crisis that landed you as a single parent, you are no doubt concerned about giving your kids extra care and sense of security. But it is even trickier if one or both of the parents put the kids before their partner.
You also want women to know you’re a devoted dad (it’s no secret chicks get hot for guys who are great with kids! It’s no surprise that so many blended families I know struggle with adjusting all parties to a home where everyone is suddenly expected to revolve around the new relationship. One dad I went out with nearly boasted when telling me about a four-month relationship that went sour because his girlfriend did not understand why he’d abruptly leave in the middle of dinner because his tween son would call, upset about some matter with his hockey coach.
Accept that a truly wonderful relationship only multiplies the love available to your kids — not robs them of some of yours. Powerful and possible message that women can change the world with our pussies?In fact, Pew found that a full 78 percent of dads who live separately from their children, see the kids less than once per week. It is bad for the kids, of course, because they miss out on a close relationship with their father.Women are certainly guilty of putting their kids ahead of their partner — maybe even more so than men, especially since they are nearly always the primary care giver in the event of divorce.But in this moment when men are struggling to claim their place as equal parents while society expects divorced dads to be the lackadaisical weekend father, I get why you are compelled to go overboard with your expressed devotion. If you are indeed ready for a real love, create a space for her.Further, the fewer active dads around, the fewer active dads our children see — and as a society we stand to have this trend perpetuated forever and ever.Bottom line: Absentee fathers are bad for everyone, including society itself.I'm trying to overcome the fact that the guy I am dating has a really really really cute son.He is divorced and has as little as possible to do with the ex-wife. If you read the comments in ‘The real reason your ex doesn’t see the kids,’ you will hear all kinds of stories — heart-breaking stories from guys claiming their devotion to their children, but forced alienation by unjust courts and vindictive mothers.There are also stories from moms who claim it is for the best the dad is not around, because of abuse, addiction or roller-coaster inconsistency.